Its the "D" day

The real essence of feeling lonely in midst of a billion people, I just got to experience now.

Its diwali day, okay….well…..not that special for me…..as there were always my final exams during this time in school…..not much excitement…..

Today is supposed to be spent with loved and dear ones, people you enjoy spending time with, socializing and having fun together, of course with God on your side…..

But not for me, I didn’t feel it, I thought I was fine until now. Dad kept on saying, “aapko lonely to nahin lag raha hai na, just be with friends…and be happy”

“I am dad, I sure am”….i will not allow myself to be depressed, just for you……

But as soon as this cacophony of crackers, rockets, waterfalls and sparklers started….i cant help but reminisce.

Even though I always had exams, I always used to come down for the puja, and dad used to do the puja of annie and me, because we are the real goddesses of our house, dad always used to say.

And then we used to light up diyas and candles and place them all around the house, and after it was done, just simply looking at our hard work, was reward enough. (Although half of the diya were extinguished by the end of it all)

Annie’s job was to continuously light up the extinguished ones…..

And then finish of with some sparklers………….

Pretty simple routine.

Am not supposed to miss it, I don’t………I miss the people………

I didn’t have to be alone, I could have gone to Noida, to Indore, to Bhopal, to Lucknow……any damn city in India [I still don’t have a passport]

But I didn’t want to………

And as I stand here, in the balcony of my hostel, staring into the sky……which is lighting up every two second with different hues of the various flying rockets and crackers……

a feeling of calmness engulfs me…..it feels strangely familiar……to be alone….…it feels like home.

I figure its good to be lonely at times.......it makes you appreciate people more :-)